


Krissie Kringle

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Series: Taking Liberties [1]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-11-05
Updated: 2001-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:46:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kochanski organises a shipwide Secret Santa and then there is loads of smut. Seriously, if you wanted fine literature, you wouldn't be reading my fic.</p><p>Dedicated to JB and the RDSS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Krissie Kringle

**Author's Note:**

> Red Dwarf characters belong to Grant Naylor.

'A shipwide Kris Kringle? Frank, I don't know...' Kristine Kochanski looked dubious. 'Christmas is in just over a week!'

Hollister hefted one large buttock onto the edge of his desk and smiled at her indulgently. 'Kristine, I'm sure you like being allowed to do your old job. And I'm sure you won't mind organising this Christmas-spirit activity, in the interests of crew morale.'

'I'm not the Morale Officer, Frank, and I just think that organising a gift-giving of this calibre, for one thousand, one hundred and sixty-nine people, plus a computer, will be extremely difficult.' Kochanski knew, however, that she was fighting a losing battle.

'Great! I knew I could count on you!' Hollister handed her a printout with the names of each and every member of the crew, including Holly. 'Feel free to deputise anyone you like to help you out, of course -- this could take some time. Have the names selected by eighteen hundred hours Friday. Off you go.' The former Doughnut Boy smiled at her again before waving her out.

Kochanski fumed out of the Captain's office and nearly walked straight into Holly. A few years ago -- at least, to the thinking of most of the crew, who didn't believe they were three million years into Deep Space -- it would have been literally 'into'. But Holly had a hard light hologram's body, based on technology the Dwarf crew had acquired from a passing superhero about a year earlier. With it, Holly had gained a hard light body, and so had George McIntyre, the ship's hologram.

'Hol, hi! Sorry!'

'That's okay, Krissie,' the blonde replied. 'What's the matter? You look stressed.'

Kochanski sighed and made her way over to her station, collapsing into her seat as the printout spontaneously unfolded and fell all over her. 'Smeg! I _am_ stressed, Hol -- Hollister's given me this dog of an assignment, and I don't know how I'm going to manage.'

'The Secret Santa thing?' Kochanski nodded an affirmative. 'I can help you there. I can probably write a programme to randomly allocate crew members, and plus you won't get those arseholes saying they don't like the person they got trying to give you their bits of paper back.' This was true. 'Want me to help?'

'That would be great, Hol, but only if you have the time,' Kochanski said. She was incredibly relieved. 'Can you do it?'

Holly nodded, winked, then hurried over to where a small section of the Drive Computer had just started smoking.

The computer had been given a real body, albeit a hard-light hologrammatic one, following a visit to _Red Dwarf_ by a gentleman by the name of Ace Rimmer. Ace had given them the technology, including some tips on how to minimise the power consumed by the holograms. Therefore, Holly and McIntyre could be run at the same time; for the last few months a complicated set of negotiations had been in progress to choose a third hologram for the remaining light bee that Ace had supplied them with.

This was great news, but at the same time, some bad news for Kochanski had come with it. Lister, who she'd just started getting used to all over again, had left with Ace, stating that 'bein' a _side_kick's gotta be better than bein' a _drop_kick'. Of course, Kochanski had had her own Dave back in her Universe to miss, but now she had this one to miss as well.

Rimmer had been moping about it for a while, but then Hollister had put him back in charge of Z Shift, which now consisted of Kryten and the skutters Bob and Madge, and he was happy as a Bliss head -- and considered himself about as Godlike, from what Kochanski had heard.

Her counterpart in this Universe hadn't been resurrected by the nanobots, probably because _she_ was already there. This was one problem less to contend with. However, she still had this stupid Kris Kringle thing to organise.

Kochanski dropped Hollister's printout in the garbage, worked for a few minutes at her computer and soon had a list of all the crew on her screen, pulled from some database or other. She deleted Lister, contemplated deleting herself (but didn't), and added Holly. Then she nibbled on her lower lip for a minute, trying to decide how to program the e-mail to send a random name to each crewmember.

'Stuck?'

'I hate this, Hol.' Kochanski banged her head gently against her screen.

Holly put a hand on her shoulder. 'Hate what?'

'Well, the Captain acts like he's done me a big favour and reinstated me, but while I was in the Tank someone else took over my real job, so now I'm reduced to this crap.' She sighed. 'And Dave's gone...'

'He's been gone for eight months, Kris.'

'I bloody know. Don't rub it in,' Kochanski snapped.

Holly looked at her. Then: 'Kris, turn that thing off and come with me.'

'I'm busy,' Kochanski said.

Holly sighed. A second later, the computer was off. 'You forget that it's still under my control. I'm still the on-board computer. Now come with me, before I pick you up and _carry_ you.'

Kochanski got out of her seat with very ill graces and stomped along behind Holly down a short corridor off the Drive Room. It led to what was formerly a cleaner's storage room and was now Holly's quarters.

'Don't you get annoyed that you got a technician's closet for a bedroom?' Kochanski asked as Holly keyed in the access code.

'Once upon a time I didn't even have a body. Now I've got a body. I figure I should be grateful for anything I get. And besides, I don't spend much time in here, anyway.' The door slid open and Holly motioned for Kochanski to go in ahead of her.

'Is that anything to do with having a body?' Kochanski muttered under her breath.

'What, not being here much?' Holly had caught the remark. 'Some nights.'

The thought of the computer having a sex life was too bizarre for Kochanski to dwell on, so she didn't. Instead, she asked, 'So what do you want to talk about?'

'Dave.' Holly saw her friend wince. 'I know you miss him.'

'I don't give a damn about him,' Kochanski said. 'Any more. I have finally accepted that I am not going to see him again. Now will you go do something computerish and get outta my way!' She pushed past Holly and back out into the corridor, steaming away as Holly watched, arms folded, but with what might be a smirk on her face.

* * *

The next morning, Kochanski remembered the Kris Kringle, and slumped down in her seat at nine AM sharp to try and puzzle out a randomised mail merge using e-mail and not sending anyone's name to themselves.

'Need a hand?'

She looked up. 'Hol?' The blonde was standing there, watching her, smiling sympathetically. 'Have you any idea how I can make sure this program doesn't send anyone's name to themselves?'

'Sure,' Holly said. She contemplated doing it internally, decided a demonstration would be better, and leaned past Kochanski to the keyboard. As she did so, Kochanski caught a sweetish scent in the air.

'New perfume?'

Holly smiled selfconsciously. 'Dave left it for me when he went off with Ace... he said it would help me get the person who's right for me, but I don't think it's working yet.'

Kochanski sniffed again. 'It's nice. It's really nice.'

'I only put on a tiny dab...'

Kochanski patted Holly's hand. 'Show me what you were going to show me,' she said, leaving her hand on the hologram's for just a second longer than she usually would. _What?_ some part of her subconscious questioned. _What was that?_

Holly pondered over the keyboard for a moment, then hit a few keys, showing Kochanski the e-mail merge program, which she already knew, and then adding an exclusion override so that nobody would get their own name off the Kris Kringle list.

'Now what?' Kochanski asked.

Holly grinned. 'Hit "Send",' she instructed.

Kochanski did so, and one thousand, one hundred and sixty-whatever e-mails were sent.

* * *

Three days later, Kochanski was wandering around the ship's mall, wondering what to get for Holly, whose name had come up on her Kris Kringle e-mail. She saw Petersen, blushing furiously, in Bras 'n' Things and learned, after asking him privately, that he'd drawn Yvonne McGruder. The lucky smegger -- she was easy to buy for. Kochanski redirected him to the boxing section of Rebel Sport and he left with a relieved look on his face.

Kochanski flicked aimlessly through the racks. She wasn't sure if lingerie was quite the thing to buy for Hol, but if her stories about how she was spending her nights, on occasion, were true, then what the hell -- sexy underwear could be good. With this in mind, Kochanski quickly picked out a dark red satin set of bra and G-string, wishing forlornly that she could buy them for herself and wear them for someone.

When she walked out of the store, plastic bag hooked over one wrist, she realised just how full the ship's mall was. People talking, people laughing, one couple making out under the mistletoe hanging in the doorway of Sanity Music. There was tinsel and lights and plastic reindeer. And there was even a muzak version of 'Jingle Bells' playing over the PA system.

She wanted to go home.

Kochanski hurried for the lifts, waving half-heartedly at a couple of people on the way, and was soon back in her own room, wrapping Holly's present and leaving her name off the card.

'I hope she likes this,' she muttered.

* * *

Four days later, it was Christmas Day - the agreed-upon day for the crew to launch their Kris Kringle. The skutters, wearing tiny pairs of antlers, were all zooming around delivering anonymous parcels, Kryten had been pressed into service as a delivery robot, and even he had antlers.

'Merry Christmas, Miss Kochanski, ma'am!' he greeted Kochanski as she made her way up to the Drive Room, intending to deliver Holly's present direct to her door. Holly was the computer -- surely she'd know all the Kris Kringlers anyway? It wouldn't matter if she got caught.

'Hi Kryten,' Kochanski said. 'Merry Christmas to you too.' She realised, guiltily, that she'd left his name off the Secret Santa list. Oh well, he wouldn't mind.

She _had_ bought him a present of his own, though, and had it with her -- she'd sent something to Rimmer via skutter, and hoped he would like his chess set, but she'd known she'd see Kryten. She handed his gift over and waited as he opened it.

'Oooh! Lavender floor wax!' Kryten opened the tin and sniffed rapturously. 'Thank you, ma'am!' He threw his arms around her, and Kochanski hugged him back. 'Lucky I got you this, then!' He handed her a lumpy parcel. Curious, Kochanski tugged at the ribbon and sticky-tape -- he'd certainly wrapped it well.

'Oh, Kryten!' Not only had he found her teddy, which she had thought she'd lost when they left the Brig, but he'd filled a photo album with pictures of the whole crew, focusing especially on Lister, for her. 'I love it. Thank you!'

'Merry Christmas, ma'am,' Kryten said. 'Now, if that's your Secret Santa, you'd better go and deliver it -- they'll be waiting.'

Kochanski realised as the mechanoid bustled off that she hadn't received her Kris Kringle either. Oh well - every year there was some pest who didn't go along with everyone else. She wasn't overly bothered by it as she continued on her way to the Drive Room.

Bob the skutter brushed against her leg and emitted a series of machine-code squeaks, holding up a hastily-wrapped package. Kochanski took it and patted him on the... head. Or whatever skutters had.

This package was from Rimmer, and from the looks of it he hadn't been expecting her to give him anything. It was a card, scribbled out in copperplate -- how anyone could _scribble_ in copperplate she wasn't sure, but he'd managed it -- and the red counters from his Risk game, with a note asking her to join him for a game. Kochanski liked Risk, didn't mind playing against Rimmer, and was glad that he'd remembered that red was her favourite colour.

* * *

There were more parcels on her console when she entered the Drive Room, but none signed from her Secret Santa, Kris Kringle, or any other synonym for the words. Feeling a little deflated now -- after all, she'd been the one to organise it -- Kochanski drooped over to Hollister's office when he called her.

'Merry Christmas, Kristine,' he said, somehow getting between her and the door and pushing it shut. Kochanski went on guard immediately. 'I, uh, got you a little something.' He nodded to his desk, which was cleared except for a gaily wrapped gift box.

_Ah shit_, Kochanski thought, but she went over and opened it anyway. As she'd thought, Hollister had been shopping at the same place she had been.

'You've always told me I should get over Martha,' Hollister said, 'and I was wondering if you could help me...'

Kochanski dropped the lacy black negligee back into its box. 'Uh...'

Hollister sidled forward until he was right in front of her, and Kochanski instinctively leaned away from him. 'What do you say?'

'Uh...' _How about, get the fuck away from me?_ her mind threw up. She felt like throwing up. His breath smelt like stale whiskey and he was too damn close.

Taking her silence for consent, Hollister leaned forward and kissed her. The sensation of his lips squashing down on hers was unbearable, but she couldn't push him away -- he was too damn heavy, as well, and didn't even notice her resistance.

A shriek from the Drive Room caught his attention, and he moved away for a moment. Then the office door slammed open, and Hollister backed off so fast Kochanski thought he was going to trip over his own feet.

'Captain, sir, sorry to rush in, but I need Kochanski right now.' Damned if Holly's panicked voice had never sounded so good. 'Oh... sorry! Did I interrupt anything?'

'No, nothing,' Kochanski said, giving Hollister an evil eye as she walked to the door. 'Nothing here.' She didn't give a damn if he'd demote her. She'd done hard time in the Brig. She could survive anything.

* * *

'What's the problem, Hol?' Kochanski asked when they got out of the office, Holly pulling the door shut behind her.

'No problem,' Holly said breezily.

'Then why did you come barging in like that?' Kochanski was puzzled.

'I'm a computer, no? There are security cameras on this ship, and I can 'see' through any one of them if I want. I saw you go in there and knew it meant trouble. Once I saw what he got you, I ran right up here from my room,' Holly explained.

Kochanski sagged into her seat. 'Thanks, Hol.'

Suddenly Holly giggled. 'Oh smeg. Here, look at this.' She leaned over Kochanski -- who caught the sweet scent of her new perfume again -- and tapped rapidly on the keyboard of Kochanski's computer, bringing up a view of a corridor, one of the habitation decks by the look of it.

Olaf Petersen and Yvonne McGruder were in the corridor, snogging like crazy.

Kochanski doubled over laughing. 'Hol...' She choked, coughed, and kept laughing. 'I wonder what he wound up getting her from Rebel Sport to get _that_ reaction?'

'A boxing singlet. Black. Satin. And matching shorts. And it wasn't from Rebel Sport, in the end...' Holly smiled. 'In fact, you wouldn't call it so much a boxing singlet, as just a camisole...'

'Good Lord,' Kochanski said mildly. 'And it got a good response, I see!'

Holly eyed the screen. 'Oh-oh,' she said. 'Better get that off.'

Kochanski took another look. 'Yes, please,' she said. 'Call it a hunch, but I don't think they're even gonna make it back into her room before she tries on her new clothes... if she makes it into them, that is.'

'And what did your Secret Santa get you?' Holly turned her back on the screen.

'Nothing. He -- or she -- didn't make the effort.' Kochanski shrugged. 'I'm not overly bothered, actually.' She remembered that she still hadn't given Holly her gift, and dug through the wrapping paper on her console to find it. 'Actually, I was your Kris Kringle, Hol. Here you go. Merry Christmas.'

Holly raised an eyebrow and grinned. 'I see you believe in the spirit of Christmas, Krissie Kringle,' she commented, tearing the paper off. 'Oooh, goodies!'

'Hope they fit,' Kochanski said.

'I'll go try them right now... hey, come with me and tell me what you think,' Holly said, already headed for the corridor that led to her small quarters. Kochanski raised an eyebrow to herself -- but it wasn't _that_ strange a request, so she didn't question it.

As she was leaving, she took one last glance at the monitor. 'Holy fruitbats,' she muttered to herself. Maybe Petersen's claim that he was 'very good in bed' wasn't entirely unfounded after all...

* * *

The room Holly called home was pretty cramped with both of them in it, but Kochanski didn't really mind - she felt, at times, like she was rattling around in her big officer's room like a Mexican jumping bean on crack. Even when her roommate was in there, it was like that.

'Just a sec,' Holly said, locking the door. When Kochanski looked at her, Holly smiled, sort of embarrassedly. 'I just don't want Todhunter or Hollister walking in.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah.' Holly tossed what Kochanski had given her onto the bed and started shedding her clothes - she was wearing a tight blue long-sleeved top and black slacks. 'I've had problems with them -- both of them - before.'

'What sort of problems?' Kochanski had the feeling that she was going to know the answer.

Holly paused, her top half off. She was wearing a black bra under it. 'Todhunter came in once when I was resting and reading a book -- actually reading a real book, one to touch with my hands, not one on the computer -- and more or less jumped on me.'

'_More _or _less_? Either he did or he didn't, Hol,' Kochanski said. 'So what did you do?'

Holly finished dragging her top off and dropped it on the floor. 'I bit his tongue and shoved him off me. For some reason he decided not to pursue the issue.'

Kochanski laughed. 'And Hollister?'

'Called me into his office on some pretext, and let's just say that I got myself out of that one as well. And it was how I knew you'd be in a bit of trouble in there alone with him -- I saw the look in his eyes on that security camera as well.'

'Just how many of those things are there around here anyway?' Kochanski asked suspiciously. 'And where are they all?'

'Everywhere, mostly -- all the offices, all the bars, the shops -- none in anyone's quarters, showers or toilets though, so you don't need to worry about that,' Holly said authoritatively. She'd heeled off her shoes and was shedding her slacks and socks. 'Privacy is still a right, even in the JMC.'

Kochanski selfconsciously averted her eyes as Holly changed into the deep red underwear she'd bought, although for what reason, she couldn't have said.

'How do I look? Will I impress the "person who's right for me"?' Holly folded her arms just below her red-satin clothed breasts and looked Kochanski straight in the eye. Kochanski could smell Holly's perfume again... it was strangely attractive, even to her.

'I think you'll get who you deserve,' she said in a slightly strangled voice, unable to keep herself from taking two steps towards Holly -- two steps which, in this tiny room, covered most of the distance between them. 'I think Dave knew who he was talking about.'

Holly's blonde hair, pulled back into a sleek ponytail; Holly's eyes, which Kochanski had always thought were hazel, and were actually green, deep, forest green, and were looking at her now with a slightly amused expression. Kochanski found herself mesmerised.

She took another step forward and reached up to pull the elastic from Holly's hair, letting the blonde strands fall freely around Holly's face. Dropping the band to the floor, Kochanski let her hands stay at the back of Holly's head, pulling the hologram closer, tilting her own head back so that her mouth could meet Holly's.

A jolt like an electric shock ran through her at the touch of Holly's lips, and it almost knocked her out of her almost-drugged state. But then Holly was gently teasing her mouth open with her tongue, and Kochanski forgot that this was easily the most insane thing she'd ever done, including becoming a retro-punk.

She was losing all sense of herself as she started kissing down the side of Holly's neck; hologram or not, the skin still felt warm and real and the wildly beating pulse just under the surface was no figment of Kochanski's imagination. Her tongue tasted the hollow at Holly's collarbone -- she tasted like heat and salt and human, just as Kochanski had expected.

Then Holly's hand was under her chin, lifting her head up, and Kochanski barely had time to make a small mew of protest before Holly's mouth was on hers again, kissing her deeply, tongue exploring and making her tingle, not just there, but all over. And Holly's hands were at Kochanski's uniform tie, then tossing that aside and her fingers were dexterously working open the buttons on Kochanski's uniform shirt.

'Don't you lose any of those,' Kochanski said. Her own voice seemed to come from a long way away.

'Don't worry... I like you in uniform. I'm just going to decide if I like you better out of uniform.' Kochanski's shirt fell away, and Holly sighed. 'Oh, I think so.' She delicately applied her mouth to the slope of Kochanski's right breast, bare above the white lace bra she was wearing, and Kochanski sighed softly. One hand stole to the back of Holly's head, holding her there.

Suddenly someone knocked at the door, breaking the spell.

'Shit,' Kochanski said.

'Ignore it.' Holly was a little breathless. 'They'll go away.'

'Hol?' an eerily familiar male voice called. 'Holly? Are you in there?'

With something like surprise, Kochanski realised that Holly was headed for the door. 'What're you doing?' she protested, crossing her arms over her breasts, suddenly feeling very exposed.

'It's Arn,' Holly said, hand going to the 'door open' button.

'And you're going to let him in?' Kochanski yipped.

Holly shrugged. 'He and I had something going, once,' she said. 'Besides, haven't you ever been curious about this sort of thing?' Without waiting for Kochanski's answer, she hit the button and the door slid open.

It was indeed Rimmer, and as Holly stepped back to let him in, he was busily scraping his jaw off the floor.

Naturally, when his voice returned, his first question was a smartarse one.

'Not interrupting anything, am I?'

'Not at all,' Holly said, fussing with something by her bed. 'You can join us, in fact.' She turned and looked at Kochanski, and Kochanski caught that perfume smell again, stronger than before. 'If that's all right with you, Krissie.'

'Uh... Okay,' Kochanski said. The incident on the _Silverberg_, Cassandra's ship, hadn't left her mind yet... she'd nearly slept with Rimmer once, and at the time had been telling herself it was out of pity... but was it really? Rimmer was staring at her now with very wide eyes. But she'd already decided, what the hell. It was Christmas, she was entitled to do something silly -- wasn't it called the silly season?

Then Holly had unhooked her bra and her mouth was fastened over one of Kochanski's nipples, and Kochanski lost all conscious thought of anything and just moaned.

Rimmer's mind was spinning out just watching them. After all, they were both pretty gorgeous ladies, and he was a male, and... and this wasn't a dream. He pinched himself just to make sure. No, this wasn't a dream -- he really was in Holly's quarters with her and Kochanski, who was currently standing with her head thrown back, her hair completely wild around her face, and Holly standing in front of her, half-crouching in fact, with her tongue tracing random patterns over Kochanski's bare breasts.

'Don't just stand there Arn -- she has two breasts you know.' Holly was laughing at him, sort of. Hesitantly, Rimmer stepped forward -- he was so much taller than Kochanski that he had to kneel in front of her to be at the right height to imitate Holly's actions. Kochanski had her eyes closed and was making soft sounds of pleasure.

When Kochanski felt a second mouth on her, the effect was nothing short of electrifying. She cried out and her hands, down by her sides, clutched at air before balling up into tight fists.

Then, in an instant, all sensation stopped.

Kochanski opened her eyes and looked down to see Holly standing up and pushing Rimmer away at the same time.

'What...'

'Arn interrupted us, didn't you?' Rimmer nodded, a smile gracing his lips. Kochanski looked at his mouth and wondered why she'd ever thought he had thin lips. They were... well, she'd leave it at currently looking very kissable. 'I'm not finished with you yet, Krissie.'

'Am I dead? Did I die?' Rimmer asked. ''Cause I'm still not sure that I'm not dreaming.' His smile turned evil. 'I could call Todhunter in here, see if he's seeing this as well, just to be sure.'

Holly shook her head. Even standing several inches shorter than him, and wearing only what Kochanski had given her, she was an imposing sight. Or maybe it was _because_ she was wearing only what Kochanski had given her. Either way, Rimmer subsided and sat at the very head of Holly's bed, which looked like it had been hard to squeeze in to the room.

'Good boy,' Holly said. Then, sounding dangerous, she added, 'But I'd better make sure you stay there.'

Kochanski was never sure, later, just where Holly had produced the fluffy red handcuffs from, but in seconds they were on Rimmer's wrists, the chain hooked around a convenient rail near the head of the bed. And Rimmer, far from looking worried or shocked, was still grinning -- as if he'd expected this change in power somehow.

Holly returned her attention to Kochanski. Kissing her on the mouth again, her hands worked at Kochanski's belt buckle and soon had that obstacle out of the way. Then the buttons -- all buttons, no zip -- and even though Holly had had a body for only a short while, she'd apparently learned everything there was to learn about getting someone out of their clothes.

Kochanski didn't have time to think about this, though, because Holly's fingers were running lightly through her curls, then finding and stroking the point where it suddenly seemed every nerve in Kochanski's body ended. She cried out, her legs nearly gave way, and Holly's other arm hooked around her waist, supporting her, while the hand between her legs continued to tease and torment Kochanski almost to breaking point.

Just as she was sure that this was it, that she'd reached the height of the sweet sensations she was going to reach, and thought she was about to go over the edge...

Holly stopped.

'No!' Kochanski protested, but it was a weak protest at best. Holly was already working to pull the rest of her clothes right off then, still clad in her red, she pushed Kochanski down to sit on the edge of the bed.

Rimmer was watching in fascination, the way a rabbit will watch a snake. His boxer shorts were beyond tight - they were definitely beyond painful, holding him in, but none of that really mattered, although he did wish his hands were free.

Holly knelt before Kochanski, a look of concentration on her face, and in the seconds before rational thought escaped her again, Kochanski thought _She looks like that because I'm the first woman she's been with. She looks like that because even though she's been making full use of her time as a solid being, she hasn't been with another woman._ And the thought, however fleeting, was somehow gratifying.

'Oh God,' Rimmer groaned, seeing Holly sliding one finger into Kochanski, who closed her eyes again. 'Holly, just kill me outright, please!'

'Shut up,' Holly said. She shot Rimmer an evil look. 'Let me do what I'm good at, huh?'

'What's that?' Rimmer said.

Holly smirked. 'Tending to the needs of this crew, and this ship. And I think we both know what Krissie needs right now.' And with that she bent her head and did what she'd been wanting to do since Kochanski first walked in - she tasted her, tentatively at first, then more confidently slicking her tongue over the place where her hand had been earlier. Her tongue slid down and dipped inside Kochanski for a moment, and she felt a slight tightening around it as the muscles there contracted. Then Kochanski's cry hit her ears, and Holly smiled -- even in the throes of climax, Kochanski's voice was sweetly musical.

'Jesus, Holly!' Rimmer rattled the chain. 'Will you let me out of this?'

Holly smiled sweetly at him and shook her head. 'You okay there, Kris?'

'I'm... fine,' Kochanski managed.

'Need some time out for a minute?'

Kochanski nodded gratefully and slid back to lean against the wall. Holly looked at her a moment longer to make sure she really _was_ all right, then turned her attention to Rimmer. She'd had a few interesting times with the 'old', hologram Rimmer, and had been out once or twice with this 'new' Rimmer, but this was different - they hadn't had an audience before.

She made short work of the job of freeing him from his boxers, but left the handcuffs on. Shedding her own underwear at last, she straddled him and let him slip into her. As they had the other two times they had made love, they both paused for a moment to savour the feeling. Rimmer's eyes were shut and he was breathing in quick, short inhale-exhales.

'Ah... Hol...'

'Sssh. Don't try to talk.' She moved on him, and kissed him, and when his eyes opened to look at her, but looked past her and focused on Kochanski instead, his breath hissed out quickly. Kochanski was watching them with a kind of intrigue. As Rimmer looked at her, she dropped one eyelid in a lazy wink.

Then she was up on her knees and moving to kneel behind Holly, hands sneaking around her, one to cup her breast and stroke it lightly, the other moving down between Holly's legs, one finger skating slickly along Rimmer's shaft when Holly rose up, then sliding higher to touch Holly just above the place where Rimmer entered her.

'You two... God, you're so beautiful,' Rimmer gasped. Holly was breathing rapidly, her heart racing like a hummingbird's. Kochanski's hand moved from Holly's breast to between her own legs, where she was so hot it was going to kill her if she didn't do something about it.

Then, just for a single hummingbird heartbeat, there was a perfect point of pleasure.

And then all three of them were tumbling over the edge, crying out names, crying out to God, and just plain crying out in pleasure.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they were all three sufficiently recovered to start putting their clothes back together, for Rimmer to head off to meet up with his parole officer, and for Kochanski to sit on the edge of the bed for another long minute, trying to stop the room from spinning. This had been, without a doubt, one of the most intense experiences in her life.

'Are you _sure_ you're all right?' Holly asked, laughter in her voice.

'I'm fine. Jesus, Holly! I don't think _anyone_ would be less that fine after something like that,' Kochanski said, knotting her tie. She got up and looked in the mirror, finger-combing her disarrayed hair back into place.

Holly came over and kissed her on the side of the neck. 'Thank you for my Kris Kringle,' she said solemnly.

'You can still think about that?' Kochanski grinned and started for the door. 'I better get back to work, anyway. Are you coming?'

'Already did,' Holly said.

'Oh ha ha. Seriously.'

'No, I'm going to strip my bed, and I'm going to send the sheets to the laundry, and then I think I'm going to pass out for about five years,' Holly said.

Kochanski nodded. She paused in the doorway. 'Who did _you_ have for your Secret Santa, anyway?'

Holly smiled and flapped a hand at her, and it wasn't until Kochanski got out to her console that she realised that it had been both a dismissal and an answer. She stared at the e-mail on her screen, amused and shocked and somehow not surprised, stared at the forwarded e-mail that was one of the Kris Kringle e-mails, the e-mail that had her name on it and a certain hologram-computer's name as the sender.

And then she laughed.


End file.
